


I Have Loved You For A Thousand Years

by sapphistication



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, FinnPoe Week 2020, Freeform, M/M, Not Canon Compliant - Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Poe Dameron Is A Mess, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Protective Finn (Star Wars), Rise of Skywalker, bending star wars lore to my will and nobody can stop me, i gave myself the feels yoo, just give my boy a hug please
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:28:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25452418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphistication/pseuds/sapphistication
Summary: The Nomad continued. “If you live to be as old as I am, you will see life, and you will see death, and you will see that exact life again. It is a cycle. Life is a lot like the Starbird -- whenever it seems to be gone, it is merely renewing itself in the heart of a nova. All through time and space, two souls bound together by the strings of love will always find their way back to each other. They will find each other every time.You.” They seemed to look right at Poe then. “You are afraid of losing. Not the war, but him. And I am telling you, you cannot lose him. That is impossible. You always find him. You never lose him, not completely. You never have, and you never will.”(or, a rather unconventional soulmate AU)
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 14
Kudos: 35





	I Have Loved You For A Thousand Years

**Author's Note:**

> _Finnpoe Week day 3: Office AU and/or Soulmate AU._  
>  You know, I could have just written a happy story and a good soulmate AU. But nope. I gotta take it to the next level, and I made myself feel all the fells.  
> I'm sorry in advance :p 
> 
> **Warning:** Poe is not okay, he's a bit hopeless and tired of war and just really wants to be happy with Finn. Therefore he has a few episodes where he dissociates or has a panic attack. That is the only reason I gave this an M rating. Nothing graphic or too explicit, and he has Finn at all times, but it's still there, so please be safe! <3
> 
> No beta, wie die.

**A long time ago in a Galaxy far away, on an insignificant moon**

It was very rare that Finn and Poe found themselves with a bit of time to spare on a mission, but for once, the odds didn’t seem stacked against them. Leia had sent them on a diplomatic mission to find some old friends of hers and gather support for what little of the Resistance was left. Maker knew they needed every bit of help they could get. 

Poe had been stressed out of his mind lately, his guilt and the weight of the entire Galaxy heavy on his shoulders, wearing him down. Sometimes even breathing was hard, let alone looking at himself in the mirror. He still believed in what they were doing, what they were fighting for. Of course he did! With everything he was! But some days he forgot that he was still Poe Dameron, human, not just Poe Dameron, Commander of the Resistance and Leia’s most trusted soldier. 

He had Finn, though, who loved to remind him of the former. Finn who just had to take a look at him and immediately knew what he needed. Finn who would smile at him when nobody else would. Finn. The one he was still fighting this war for, because fighting for _everyone_ just wasn’t enough sometimes. Finn. His light in the never-ending darkness of war. 

“Hey, don’t leave me here,” the man whispered, approaching Poe with a soft, but knowing expression. 

“Sorry,” Poe sighed, coming out of his head and reaching for Finn’s hand. 

“Where’d you go?” Finn asked, taking Poe’s hand in his and pressing a kiss to his fingertips. There was a smear of oil still there that was too stubborn to be scrubbed off. Finn didn’t seem to mind, though, and Poe smiled, feeling like he could breathe again. 

“Just…” he searched for the words, but couldn’t find any. So he said the next best thing on his mind, constantly in the back of his head, joining him wherever he went. “I love you.” 

Finn smiled at him and kissed his fingertips again before pulling Poe up from where he was still sitting in the pilot’s seat. He wrapped his arms around Poe as soon as he stood and held him close. Poe closed his eyes and just breathed him in, tucking his head under Finn’s chin and burying his hands under the jacket Finn had stolen from him. His hands were always cold when he thought about the war, like his body thought it was dead already. Finn’s warmth and his wonderful scent reminded him that he was alive, though. 

A kiss was pressed against the crown of his head and another one against his temple, before Finn pulled back way too soon for Poe’s liking. 

“The general said we should take the rest of the evening to ourselves,” he murmured, pulling Poe close again just because he could. “Wanna go outside, take a walk with me?”

“Can we really do that?” There were several bounties on their heads, he was sure. They shouldn’t just go walking around aimlessly. No matter how much he wanted to take Finn’s hand and go explore this little world. He wanted to show him every world he knew, but that was just another item on the ever-growing list of things they’d never get to do. Not before the war was over. And Poe was sure he was not going to survive that long. 

“Maz knows these people apparently, says they’re safe.” 

“Of course she does,” Poe huffed against Finn’s chest. Maz was a miracle and he was eternally grateful she was on their side. "Alright, yeah. Let's go. I think I saw preparations for a bonfire earlier." 

"I've never seen one of those," Finn smiled. 

"I'll show you then." Because he could do this. He could take one item off that list and make Finn's world a little brighter.

It was still pretty early in standard time measurements but night had fallen already. The night was illuminated by small luminescent bugs flying around them and Poe saw how Finn’s eyes got huge at the sight of them. 

“What’s that?” he asked, absolutely in awe at the wonders life still had to offer. 

“We call them fireflies on Yavin. Lightning bugs. They’re not around for long, I think, so we’re pretty lucky to see them.” 

“It’s beautiful!” Finn breathed, smiling and hooking his arm around Poe’s. 

It really was. The lighting bugs made it seem like the air around them was glittering, like they were in a magic, peaceful world suddenly instead of a Galaxy that wanted them dead. They walked up the hill they’d been on earlier, guided by the light of a bonfire they could make out burning on the top of it. 

Nobody was around, it was only the two of them for a moment, and Poe could pretend. Pretend they were alright, safe, happy. Pretend like death wasn’t lurking around the corner. Pretend like they had a future, pretend like he had hope. His throat closed up and he really just wanted to hold Finn close, keep him safe and never let him go. But there were forces bigger than him. There was the Force, always bigger than him. So all he could do was slip his arm around Finn’s waist and lean on him as they continued walking. 

“After the war,” Finn began, and Poe felt about ready to cry. “After everything, you gotta take me here again, and then I’m gonna catch a firefly and we’re gonna have a bonfire and some of that booze they offered us earlier. Can we do that?” He sounded so hopeful, so happy, so in awe. Poe couldn’t possibly say no. 

“Of course.” Anything for you. “Though I’m not making any promises, that booze smelled disgusting.”

“That’s how you know it’s good, though,” Finn nudged him, using Poe’s words from a lifetime ago against him. He’d been the one who introduced Finn to alcohol all this time ago. 

“If you say so,” he huffed and allowed a small smile to play across his lips. 

As they reached the top of the hill Poe found that the bonfire was huge. Bigger than the ones he’d seen on Yavin on the Future Fest where they would burn old, dead trees and dried bushes and whatever else was around and then use the ashes to fertilise the next harvest. Building their future life on past death. Letting death not be in vain…

That might have gotten a bit too real there. He didn’t know when he lost control of his mind, when his thoughts had begun spiralling out of control. But that was usually what fires did. Ever since he was a little boy, he couldn’t look at fires and not get lost in the flames of the Future Fest. And then he started seeing the flames in space in a far less controlled and peaceful way, and sometimes he lost himself in those flames, too. He could see them when he closed his eyes, and he could see them right now. There were faces in the flames, voices, they were screaming for him, he had to do something, get them out, get them out of the flames, get away from the flames, just-- 

“You’re okay, Poe. You’re safe, you’re with me, I’ve got you. We’re safe on a hill we just climbed and you’re alive, you’re okay. I love you, Poe. Breathe with me, please.” 

Another voice. Not in the flames but next to him, in front of him, hands on his face. Finn. Soft, sweet, strong, brave Finn. Wonderful Finn, breathing with him, dragging him from the flames. Away from the flames and into the crook of his neck, breathing in Finn instead of ashes, burnt metal and flesh. Breathing in safety and love and _home_ instead of war and death. 

“Breathe,” Finn whispered, pressing Poe’s hand to his chest and breathing just a little more audible than was necessary, grounding Poe in the moment along with him. 

In. Out. Wait. In. Out. Wait. When the feeling of numbness disappeared from his limbs and he felt like Finn didn’t need to support him anymore, he pulled back slightly but didn’t let go of Finn. He never wanted to let go of Finn, and he knew that thought was pathetic and a residual anxiety of his episode just now, but it was true all the same. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled, looking at their joined hands still resting on Finn’s chest, watching their movement, watching the proof that Finn was here, breathing, alive. Because if Finn was, then so was he. “Thanks,” he breathed eventually, as mesmerised by their hands as he was by the flames. 

“It’s okay, Poe,” Finn said without a hint of hesitation and pressed a kiss against Poe’s forehead. 

Poe swallowed, feeling pathetic and guilty and ashamed. “I didn’t think it would trigger me. I’m sorry. I wanted you to enjoy this.” He felt miserable. As a kid, he used to love bonfires, and even on D’Qar they would have them every now and then to boost the morale with a peaceful moment. He’d been okay then. He thought he’d be okay. But he was more damaged than he’d thought, and he was beginning to realise that. 

“I _am_ enjoying it. It’s warm, it’s bright, there are sparks in every colour travelling up to the night sky. It’s beautiful, Poe,” Finn said, pulling him in again and wrapping his arms around him. Poe made himself smaller, allowing himself to be vulnerable because this was Finn, and nobody here knew them anyway and beings were cuddling all around them. He could have this. He could let themselves enjoy this while it lasted. “And I have you,” Finn mumbled eventually with a smile evident in his voice as he tightened his arms around Poe. 

Poe rolled his eyes. “Sap,” he huffed but rubbed his cheek against Finn’s chest, closing his eyes and breathing him in. He felt safe in Finn’s arms and his heart was beginning to calm down for real now. It was a miracle to him how Finn managed to do that every time, but from what he had told him, Poe had the same effect on him, too. So maybe they were just deeply in sync. A beautiful thought that made him smile. 

They stood there for a while, arms around each other in a tight embrace, Finn’s chin resting on top of Poe’s head, Poe breathing at the same time Finn did. Fingers were dancing across his back where Finn was drawing mindless patterns. With the bonfire behind him warming his back and Finn warming his front, all traces of the cool night breeze were gone, and all Poe could feel was warmth and Finn. 

_I love him_ , he thought. “I love you,” he said, because as long as he was alive, nothing was going to stop him from saying that. 

Finn hummed and tightened his arms for a moment, nuzzling Poe’s curls, and that was just infinitely cuter than anything he could have said as a response, and it made Poe’s heart swell in his chest. 

It was peaceful, that moment. Poe wanted to catch it and keep it safe forever, make sure he could never forget it, that it would never get tainted. He wanted his life to be about moments like this, not about war. 

So he tightened his hold on Finn and let every single emotion wash over him where he was safe in Finn’s arms and could let himself feel small without any judgment. 

They walked around for a bit, up and down the hills, hand in hand, not talking but taking in everything that was to see. It was beautiful here, the fireflies dancing through the air, not at all perturbed by the beings mingling around the colourful bonfires. They must have done something to the wood to make the flames this colourful, Poe thought, but in the end, what did he know about bonfires and flames and chemicals and rituals? He was just a pilot. He created the fire, he did not control it. 

He didn’t want to look at the flames but he tried again and again because he knew Finn liked them. Finn didn’t get panic attacks like he did, Finn was in control, Finn was better than him, Finn was _good_. So Poe tried, for his sake, too look at the fire and see the beauty there, feel the warmth, concentrate on the colours and the sparks and the fireflies instead of what flames meant on every other day. 

There was one, a smaller, light blue bonfire on a secluded hill, and there were less people here. Poe actually felt like he could breathe here, mesmerised by the flames but not in a bad way. He sat down on the ground and tugged on Finn’s hand so he would sit down right beside him. Leaning against Finn, their hands clasped in Poe’s lap, both of Poe’s hands around Finn’s right, he let the breeze of the night and the warmth of the fire wash over him, trying not to lose this sense of calm.

Someone was telling a story in the native tongue that Poe couldn’t understand but that sounded so melodious and enthralling that they found themselves listening closely anyway. 

Hours might have passed like this, but maybe it was only minutes before the story ended and beings came and left, new stories were told and songs being sung, all while Poe was looking at the light blue flames dancing slowly across the wood. 

“My dear friends,” someone said in a deep, hoarse voice, and Poe was so surprised at the sudden shift to Basic that he looked up from where his head was resting on Finn’s shoulder to see if there was someone speaking to them.

Indeed, across from them there was a being, a species Poe had never seen before, looking right at him. Or, well, at least Poe had the _feeling_ that they were looking right at them, because there were no eyes that would indicate such a thing. So maybe he was hallucinating? Paranoid to be discovered on a moon that Maz had deemed safe and friendly and so insignificant that even Maz had only heard about it two decades ago? 

Finn was stirring as well, though, so he totally hadn’t imagined it. He sat up straight, ignoring the crick in his neck, and looked back at the being. 

What looked like a mouth pulled up in a grotesque imitation of a smile, but it didn’t look evil. Just… old. Like a thousands of years old version of Maz Kanata, in light green. 

“It is good to see you again,” they said without moving their lips. 

Poe felt the hairs on his neck rising, the sensation of being watched and not finding the watcher. He frowned. 

“Do you mean us?” he asked. 

The smile grew wider. “Of course.” 

He looked at Finn who just briefly raised his shoulder in a weak indication of a shrug. 

“Um,” Poe started. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think we’ve met?” 

The feeling of calm left his body and he was preparing for a fight. Against what or whom, he didn’t know, but he didn’t like this. 

The being regarded them, inclined their head slightly and then opened their mouth to let out a soft, “Oh. You are right, we have not. Not in this time and place, I am afraid.” The basic was not exactly broken, but there was an underlying accent to it that didn’t sound like anything Poe knew. It sounded just as old as the being looked, and Poe had a bad feeling about this. The smile was still in place, though, and for some reason that made this whole situation a bit better. 

“I am called the Nomad,” the being said after a pause that Poe liked to fill with confused silence. “In fact, I believe it was your kind who gave me that name.” 

“Our kind?” Poe asked. 

The Nomad nodded their head slowly. “Yes, yours. The souls, the wanderers, the lovers. Your kind.”

It was funny, Poe thought, how every answer prompted even more questions. 

“Well, Nomad, it is nice to meet you,” Finn said beside him but for all the polite front, Poe could hear the touch of suspicion in his voice that he could strongly relate to. 

“It is a pleasure every time,” they said. 

Well, that didn’t make things weird at all, huh? 

Beside him, Finn got to his feet, holding his hand out for Poe to grab. “Sorry, but I think we should leave,” he said. Poe nodded and grabbed the offered hand, ready to pull himself up and leave when the Nomad spoke again. 

“You need not be afraid, dear friends. Like always, death will not do you part.” 

They said it with such a level of casualness that Poe froze and frowned at them once more. “What?” 

“Poe, come on,” Finn urged and tugged on his hand. 

“What do you mean?” Poe asked again, ignoring Finn beside him. 

“You are scared. Afraid. That is an old feeling I know very well and I see it as clearly in your eyes as I see the flames of the fire. When you are as old as me, you see the same eyes in different people,” they said, and Finn froze beside him for some reason that Poe couldn’t quite understand. “Fear is an old feeling. But my dear friends, yours is a tale as old as time itself.” 

Finn sat down again, closer to Poe in a way that he was sort of shielding him. 

The Nomad continued, “Two beings, lost, but on the right path. One is guided by the Force, the other by his own sense of what is right. Bound forever by a bond that will survive it all. Space, time, war. Nothing can get in the way of the love you share. Even death does not stand a chance.” 

Poe looked at them with suspicion clear in his eyes. He didn’t have time for this. “So is this a _Love Conquers All_ kinda story?” He scoffed. “Sorry, but-” 

“You never believe me,” the Nomad said. “But that never stops me. It is important for me to tell you, to make you understand that,” they paused. “If you live to be as old as I am, you will see life, and you will see death, and you will see that exact life again. It is a cycle. Life is a lot like the Starbird -- whenever it seems to be gone, it is merely renewing itself in the heart of a nova. All through time and space, two souls bound together by the strings of love will always find their way back to each other. They will find each other every time. _You_.” They seemed to look right at Poe then. “You are afraid of losing. Not the war, but him. And I am telling you, you cannot lose him. That is impossible. You always find him. You never lose him, not completely. You never have, and you never will.” 

Only distantly was Poe aware that he was shaking, that he was gripping Finn’s hand in an iron grip, that the Nomad knowing exactly what he was afraid of felt a lot like Kylo Ren being back in his mind. Prodding, searching, _knowing_. It felt a lot like Poe was losing again, like he was exposed, and-

“Poe. Poe, love, look at me.” Finn grabbed his head and tugged him in, made Poe bury his face against his neck, breathe him in and calm down, drive him away from Kylo Ren, away from the Nomad and back ro Finn. Always back to Finn. 

He couldn’t lose Finn. Please, not Finn. He couldn’t lose him. 

“Shhh, you’re not losing me. I’m right here, right here beside you. I’ve got you, Poe. I love you.” Finn’s soft voice was right by his ear, calming him, anchoring him, holding him together in a world that wanted nothing more but to rip him apart. 

They were walking. Or Finn was, Poe couldn’t tell if he was walking, wasn’t sure, didn’t care. All he knew is that he was still clinging to Finn, his eyes closed, this limbs numb and his hands still shaking where they were gripping his jacket. 

He was pathetic. How exactly did he manage to become a Commander of the Resistance, how the hell did he become the best damn pilot in the Galaxy when his hands were shaking like leaves in a slight breeze? None of this made sense. Nothing. He just wanted to lie down and hold Finn and sleep and never let him go, never lose him, never- 

Finn stopped and pulled him in, wrapped his arms around him and held on. They were in the Falcon again, alone, the hatch closed behind them and creating a bubble world that was only theirs. A bubble where Finn kissed him until he stopped shaking, a world where Finn undressed him and Poe returned the favour until they could lie down together and just _exist_. 

Looking at Finn where he lay across from him, their legs tangled, their hands wandering idly, Poe was daydreaming again. Dreaming of a world where they got to have this. Where they’d win the war and survive it, where they’d get to wrap their arms around each other, where Poe could bury his face in Finn’s shoulder and not let go of him until they’d spot Rey and make sure she was okay, too. Because she would be. There was a version where they got to have this. But this was not it. Poe knew that. He didn’t know how he knew it, it was more of a feeling, but not at all like the Force. 

He sighed, grabbing Finn’s hand and playing with his fingers. The Nomad’s words were still echoing inside his skull, burned into his brain with traces of everlasting confusion. “Do you believe it?”

“I don’t know. You?” 

Poe shrugged and looked down at their hands, escaping the eyes that would look right through him. Like the Nomad had. Like apparently every single being was able to. No, no, let’s not go there! 

Finn sighed softly and continued. “I want to. I mean, think about it. It sounds so peaceful how they said it. And the thought of dying in this war and then getting the chance to be with you again? The thought that, maybe in the past, we’ve been in love before? It sounds a lot like destiny.” 

Poe just barely managed not to scoff, but it was a close thing. Still, he couldn’t keep all the bitterness out of his voice. “Like it’s our destiny to die together?” 

“Maybe. But I meant that this,” Finn closed his fingers around Poe’s and pulled them to his lips where he pressed a soft kiss to the back of Poe’s hand, “is always what it comes down to. Every path I take, every choice I make, it always ends here.” 

Finn sounded so sure. So hopeful. So alive, that Poe couldn’t help but smile to himself. He didn’t know what it was about him, but something apparently made Finn feel like Poe was _it_ , like Poe was his endgame not only for a moment but on a universal scale. His heart warmed where it had felt ice cold in his chest for the better part of the night. 

_It always ends here_ , Finn had said. “But never really ends,” Poe murmured, reaching out with a finger to stroke Finn’s cheek. That was what the Nomad had implied. 

“Yeah,” Finn nodded. 

They fell into a thoughtful silence that lasted until Poe broke it again. “It might be just a story, in the end.” 

“Maybe. But it’s a good one. And for what it’s worth, I’m glad I found you.” 

Tears were welling up in his eyes again and he moved in to kiss Finn, to hide his tears and his heavy heart and his utter hopelessness in Finn’s arms for nobody else to see. The kiss turned heated, desperate, Poe needed to feel him, to know he was there, to know this was true and that they were alive. Finn made love to him, taking the time they rarely had, and made Poe believe that he was worthy of every bit of love and affection.

Afterwards, Finn held him close, Poe’s head resting on his chest, and in the silence of the Falcon he asked the question that made Poe’s blood run cold with shame. “You don’t think we’re gonna survive this, do you?” There was no judgment, no shaming him, it wasn’t even a question really. It was just Finn knowing Poe inside and out. 

Poe shook his head after a while. “Nope.” 

Finn sighed deeply and nodded, never stopping the hand that was stroking through Poe’s hair. “Can I still believe that we’ll make it, though?” He sounded unsure, almost insecure, like he was actually doubting whether he had the right to hope. 

Poe frowned. “Of course!” he turned and pressed a kiss to Finn’s chest before leaning back on his forearm to look him in the eyes. “Please do. I’m just-” 

“Don’t say you’re being stupid. You’re not!” 

“I was gonna say tired,” Poe lied with a grin. Well, technically it wasn’t a lie. Just that his tiredness could not be cured with a good night’s sleep. Although he had nothing against trying to find out. 

“Then let’s go get some sleep,” Finn said with a knowing smile, leaning up to steal a proper kiss before tugging Poe along for a detour to the ‘fresher before they could finally get some rest. 

*

Little did either of them know this was going to be the last moment of real peace either of them would have. Just a few days later they found themselves be called generals and trying desperately to save the Galaxy from the Final Order. Everyone looked to Poe for guidance, and Poe looked to Finn, and Finn looked right ahead like always. Finn had hope. Finn believed they could win. There was not one universe in which Poe could have done this without Finn, and he was once again so glad they had found each other when they did. 

And then, the Nomad’s words in his head again, he jumped into his X-Wing one last time. 

*

He was hit. His thrust engines were malfunctioning and a very aggressive beeping sound made him get a headache. The transparisteel window was cracked and hat taken a few hits with all the debris flying around, but it held out. Just a bit longer, and he’d be good. Just a bit longer and he could be a hero. Just a bit longer and he could shoot that final Star Destroyer out of the sky, hoping desperately that his blasters and cannons would hold out. 

Poe wanted to call out to BB-8, but his astromech wasn’t with him, was somewhere safe instead. BB-8 would survive and be so mad at Poe for dying out here like this, without saying goodbye, without letting himself be tasered and insulted in binary one last time. Without letting BB-8 try and save him. 

But he had Finn on the other side of his comm, and probably everyone else still listening, still fighting on the other side, fighting the army of Tie Fighters while Finn and his squad along with Poe and black squadron had taken up the army of Star Destroyers. It had been a good plan. Only one Star Destroyer was left because of Jannah’s genius and FInn’s bravery. 

“Finn?” he called out with a shaking voice, his hands clamping on the joystick, trying and failing to reactivate his shields. He had no shields, no thrust engines, no functioning astromech behind him. He was shaking. Trying to concentrate, trying to blink away the tears, trying to breathe right, trying to get through to Finn. Where was Finn? A few minutes ago Finn had been shot, the same moment that Poe’s engines had been hit, and then everything escalated. They lost touch over the comms, too focused on trying to survive. He needed to know that Finn was still there, though. 

There was static on the other end, a crackling sound, then he could hear Finn again, sounding as breathless as Poe felt. “Yeah. Jannah made it back safe, Poe. We did it. We won.” 

“We did, buddy.” Poe smiled, sobbed as he heard Finn’s voice, nodded as he took aim at the blaster cannons of the last, immobile Star Destroyer. _Jannah made it back safe._ “Finn. Did you get away?” 

“No,” Poe heard distant blaster shots and knew that Finn was still on that Star Destroyer that was lined up as his target. 

“Finn,” Poe pleaded but was interrupted by a turbulence and then an explosion of one of his engines that sent him spiralling through the air. “Finn,” he said, more like a statement and with less desperation. He was desperate. He was scared because he was going to die, Finn was going to die, he was going to lose him. Forever. 

“Think they’re gonna miss us?” Finn asked over the comm. It was hard to hear him over the beating of his heart and the sound of his own erratic breathing. 

“Hell no,” Poe laughed. He laughed and he couldn’t stop, he was going mad, he was going to die. In three minutes, tops. “They’re gonna be glad they won’t have to deal with our bickering anymore. They’ll have to find someone new to voice everyone’s complaints, though, I can’t do the job anymore.” 

“I’m sure they will,” Finn rasped over the sound of more blaster shots. Stupid Order, still fighting back like it meant something. 

“Yeah,” Poe said, just to avoid silence. Just to let them keep talking. Just to stay alive and sane as long as he could. He tried again to take aim at the Star Destroyer, his X-Wing still hurtling through the sky like it was a toy being thrown across the room. His thrusters were clicking, groaning, trying to come back to life, but there was no hope. No hope. Figured. He gave up. Someone else could blow up the damn Star Destroyer, he could be the failure he’d always been and just be there for Finn. The only one he couldn’t fail. 

“It hurts, Poe,” he groaned, sounding way too small and way too weak for Poe’s liking. 

He shook his head uselessly, tears running down his face as his eyes fell on the picture of Finn he kept in his X-Wing, tucked nect to the thruster control. He looked at the picture instead of the ground coming closer and closer.

“Ssh, it’ll be over soon. You’re great, you’re so great, Finn. Best damn fighter in the Resistance.” 

“That’s not true.” 

Poe suppressed a sob. “Yes it is. I’m the General, you gotta listen to me, okay?” 

“Okay,” FInn breathed, barely audible. “Hey Poe?” he tried again after a while. 

“Hmm?” He was still looking at the picture of Finn, ignoring the proximity alert and impact warning, just another set of beeps over all the others. 

“Thanks for finding me.” 

Poe’s heart broke and he didn’t want to talk about this, but he couldn’t say no to Finn now. Instead he said what was on his mind, let himself indulge in the fantasy, in the Nomad’s words, in the idea that one day he would wake up and it would the be day that he found Finn. Or rather, where Finn found him. “Pretty sure it was you who found me, buddy.” 

“Then thanks for letting me find you.” He could hear Finn’s faint smile over the comm now and didn’t even try to hide his sobs now. 

“Thank you for looking, Finn.” 

He moved his eyes away from the picture when the impact warning began to give him a count of _20, 19, 18-_

“So. Will you find me again?” Finn asked, his voice weak, faded, but no doubt hearing the countdown on Poe’s end and not wanting him to be alone now. 

Poe nodded even though Finn couldn’t see him. “In every galaxy, in every life, in every peace or war, I will find you. I promise.” 

_9, 8, 7_

“I will find you, too. I love you.” 

“I love you.” 

_2, 1, ---_

* * *

**Now, Planet Earth**

It was late afternoon and Poe only stopped to grab a coffee at _Organa’s_ , where they gave him a broad smile in addition to excellent beverages, when he saw him. A bit younger than Poe, sitting in the back of the café curled up on an armchair, doodling in his notebook while completely ignoring the open textbook glaring at him. He was drawing something that looked like... a phoenix framed with light blue flames, when he suddenly looked up and their eyes met. 

For what felt like the first time in his life, Poe could take a breath again. He was flooded with an overwhelming sensation he couldn’t quite put his finger on. It just felt… right. He completely forgot about his coffee, about the time, about manners, about everything. 

Instead, he smiled at the stranger and found him smiling back, a curious expression on his face, like maybe he felt the same sensation? 

“Hi,” Poe breathed. 

“Hi,” the stranger replied, finishing the phoenix drawing before looking back at Poe with a spark in his eyes. And just like that, the stars aligned themselves. 

Somewhere, in a galaxy far away, a starbird was reborn. 

**Author's Note:**

> :) Told you I was sorry  
> Come yell at me over at [happybeeps-nat](https://tumblr.com/blog/happybeeps-nat) <3


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